Beth's blog

I walked 20km!

2011-06-12T14:44:00.004-05:00

I've never felt short in a picture before (I'm 5'8"!!)

What a great day for the walk. 700 people raised over $1 million for cancer research! I walked with Brenda, stayed pretty close with my teammates Izabela and Antoanela and Brenda's teammates Jan, Cindy, Esther and others. Had my 'sheepish fan club' including my sister and my boys at the beginning, a couple of checkpoints, and the last mile. Nancy and Lori on their bikes, Barb on her bike, Damien on his bike and so many others cheering us on.

I carried some names with me on my orange 'super hero' survivor scarf, people in my life who have fought cancer and people I met going through their cancer journey the same time as me:

Alli
Sara
Sharon
Penny
Marcella
Joe
Grampa
Gran
Isabel
Sue
Antonieta
Elizabeth
Tracie
Renee
Daria
Jill
Julie
John
Diane
Pam
Theresa
Angela

I'm Taking the Challenge!!

2011-03-20T19:51:00.007-05:00

It's been 2 years since this mess started - finding out I had breast cancer - surgery, chemo, radiation. Now I'm back at work, life is busy, things are good. I'm not running, I still don't seem to have the energy to get that going consistently. I walk, I snowshoe, I go for the odd run, but I'm ready to do the 20K Walk to raise money for CancerCare on June 11th.

You can click here to read more about the Challenge. I will walk in honor of the warriors I've met through my blog and in memory of the (too many) people I know who have succumbed to this disease.

A pic from the CBCN conference

2010-11-11T12:05:00.000-06:00

Beth, Jill and Diane at the Body, Mind, Spirit conference (Arabian night)

Pink Wig dance

2010-11-10T20:02:00.000-06:00

Check out Julie's video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP29sx87LMM

Her blog is: http://julieolsensjourney.blogspot.com

Body Mind Spirit - National Conference for Young Women Living with Breast Cancer

2010-11-01T19:04:00.007-05:00

I attended the Body Mind Spirit conference in Toronto this past weekend. What an amazing experience. I don't know what the best part was - being with so many women who have been through what I have, the speakers and workshop topics, or the entertainment (see links below). I attended workshops on Art Therapy, Meditation, Naturopathy, Ayurvedics, and more.

Jonna's Body - a comedy (!) about breast cancer

Bif Naked - I had no idea Bif Naked was such an amazing speaker... I didn't really know anything about her.

Pink Boy

2010-09-15T21:30:00.000-05:00

My husband and son (Zach) visited the Pink Ribbon Riders booth at Hay Days last weekend. Zach tried on a shirt to buy for me. They thought he was so cute they took this pic and posted it on their website. We do hope to do one of their snowmobile rides this winter... check it out: www.pinkribbonriders.com

First chemo was a year ago

2010-05-05T21:18:00.002-05:00

Just thinking about it still gives me the heebie jeebies, which is actually defined as 'a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, depression or illness'... pretty much describes it. It was my husband who noticed the date, since he was invited out to a dinner that he had to say no to last year. He's going this year.

We've all come a long way in a year. I am so thankful to be feeling as 'normal' as I am. Life is back to a good routine. I miss my support group though. I don't see them much now that I'm back at work. We'll have to figure something out...

Bone health after breast cancer

2010-04-22T19:25:00.003-05:00

I attended a session on Bone Health - informative for all women. It was done by a physiotherapist, a nutritionist and a pharmacist. It was on how to decrease your chances of developing Osteoporosis (a disease that makes bones thin and weak, meaning you are more susceptible to fractures).

We are done building our bone strength around age 18. We maintain it during our 20's, and start to slowly lose it in our mid-30's. Women start to lose it rapidly at menopause because of the drop in estrogen levels. There are lots of major and minor risk factors - but the one that stands out for cancer survivors is early menopause (before age 45, typically caused by chemo).

What to do? Make sure you are getting enough Calcium, Vitamin D and exercise. The amount varies depending on your age, but a post-menopausal woman should get 1500mg Calcium and 1000 IU's of Vitamin D each day.

Your body makes vitamin D when you are in the sun, but apparently you need your arms and legs exposed, no sunblock, for 5-20 minutes, between the hours of 10 and 2. Not many of us Canadians can do that year round. Most people need to take a mulit-vitamin or supplement to get enough.

The physiotherapist was there to tell us that physical activity helps to keep bones strong - both weight-bearing exercises like walking and running, and resistance/strength training like free weights and push-ups.

They didn't recommend any specific multi-vitamin, just had us all bring whatever we take so we could see how much was in it and think about how much we're getting in our food. My multi-vitamin has 400mg of calcium and 200 IU of Vitamin D. I drink 2 glasses of milk a day, but that still doesn't get me there. I'm going to look for a different multi-vitamin or take some extra calcium and vitamin D...

7+ Months post-chemo

2010-04-19T17:50:00.000-05:00

I had my 6 month follow-up today and all is good. My bloodwork is 100% back to normal (finally!!) My oncologist will continue to monitor me, he'll see me in 6 months and do bloodwork again. He ordered a bone density scan (I have never had one yet). I'll have annual mammograms. And just keep my fingers crossed.

Here's my hair - I'm going to keep it this short through the summer and then we'll see. This is my natural hair color, but I'll probably get some highlights soon. It sure is easy!

As for side effects, I still have some numb toes, but not all 10 anymore. They do drive me crazy some days. It still hurts where the original surgery was, but I've stretched enough that my fingers don't fall asleep or get numb anymore. My taste buds are pretty normal, although coffee has never been quite right again. I've pretty much given up on it and mostly drink green tea now.

My eyebrows didn't come back the way they used to be. They're very light and patchy, but that's what eyebrow pencils are for!

My port incision is healed, but still is sore to touch. It took a long time for the last little stitch to come out.

I still have an ache in my lower back and my right hip. It's faded, or I've just gotten used to it. But if I think about it, it's there.

I've been back to work 7 weeks now, full time for the last 3 weeks. I'm tired in the evenings (so are most working people!) It's manageable. I'm enjoying being back, its gone a long way to making me feel 'normal'.

That's all for now. Take care...
Beth

3rd week back at work...

2010-03-20T07:56:00.002-05:00

I worked 30 hours this week (6 hour days). Next week will be 7 hour days. I like being at work, I enjoy my job and I work with great people. My plan is to focus on keeping work in its place and not get too stressed about it... Yeah right... Like a lot of companies, it is tough times, and people are asked to cut costs and work smarter. In the 3 weeks I've been back, we are reducing our office space (downsizing the cubicles), and we've done some layoffs (people I respect and know well). I'm glad I'm back if I can help make this easier for anyone, but it sure makes it tough to 'leave work at work'. My advice to others on returning to work is to be sure you have a strategy for handling the stress. For me it is walking/running (outside) and loud music while I fall asleep (blocks out the thoughts running through my head). Headphones.

I'm not going to blog about work, this is my cancer blog. I think I'm almost done, I want the cancer story to come to an end. My oncologist bumped this month's appointment to next month. I want to hear that my blood work is back to normal and have him confirm the mammogram was clean. I want to tell you the follow-up plan, and then be done.

Take care everyone.
Beth

2nd Week Back at Work

2010-03-12T15:32:00.006-06:00

It was a good week, I worked 25 hours over 5 days. I am enjoying being back in the middle of things, it makes me feel much more normal. I am still walking most days, and even ran a few km last night (avoiding the slushy puddles). It felt good.

Kids are rebelling in their own special little ways (they are used to me being home, even if they are teenagers now). Mornings are not so wonderful, Zach missed an entire morning of school (just didn't wake up until noon - not his fault you know). He may be one of those guys that needs 2 or 3 alarm clocks in his room...

Have a great weekend!

Goodbye Renee

2010-03-10T07:15:00.005-06:00

Rest in Peace, Renee

obit

Working and Sleeping

2010-03-04T14:36:00.003-06:00

I'm enjoying being back at work. I feel like I'm playing dress-up everyday (business casual office). And all these friendly people around (I'm so used to being alone on my couch, in my sweats or jammies). The thing is though, after 4 hours each day, I need a nap in the afternoon, and I'm still in bed by 8:30pm. Asleep in a second. I'm not getting up any earlier than I was - I still drive Carter to school and then head on to work instead of returning home, but wow am I tired. Can't keep my eyes open.

Yesterday evening I drove Carter to the outdoor skating rink, which is only a couple of blocks away. I made 2 wrong turns. He was looking at me funny. He asked me if I was okay to drive, if I was on any pain medication that could affect my driving. He's 12. I said no, not on anything, this is what being tired does to my brain. Hard to focus on what I'm doing.

We'll see if I can stay up tonight (I have to, we watch "Survivor" !!)

Back to Work

2010-03-03T13:37:00.002-06:00

I started back to work this week. I'm happy to be back. Tired in the evenings, but hopefully that will get better quickly.

My son left me a note yesterday saying 'your manogram is good'. I was quite suprised that they would leave the message with him, but they probably thought it was my husband, he has such a deep voice now. Excellent news, now I just want some good bloodwork next month and all is good.

Have a great day!

Some of my new friends

2010-02-26T17:57:00.000-06:00

Here's a pic of some of my new friends. Six of us met in the summer as part of a 6-week support program, and have continued to meet weekly (usually 4 or 5 can make it each week). It is so great having each other just a phone call or meeting away. We can talk about anything, including our hair, our aches and pains, how we are dealing with our relationships, our kids, our plans to go back to work (or not). All of us had the same chemo, but different surgeries and radiation doses. Here you can see 3 post-chemo hairdo's and 1 wig (and our Tim Horton's coffees).

Mammogram (already!)

2010-02-25T18:10:00.004-06:00

I went for my mammogram today. Hard to believe it's been a whole year since this mess started. I'm feeling confident I am fine, but it will be good to hear the results next week. Next week will also be a year since surgery, so it will be a good time to declare myself a 1 year survivor!

Side note - I recommend taking tylenol before the mammogram, it definitely helped!

First Haircut! 6 months post-chemo

2010-02-23T12:19:00.000-06:00

Okay, there wasn't much to cut, but it's much neater now! And while you might think all of your hair grows in at the same time after chemo, it doesn't. It was getting long over my ears, and still just coming in at my bangs and the very back.

1 week until I start work...

2010-02-22T10:18:00.002-06:00

A funny thing happened last week. I was feeling pretty good, I stopped to get groceries on my way out, chatted with the cashier, helped bag the groceries into my reusable bags, and just as I'm ready to pay she smiles and says 'do you get the seniors discount'? Really? I don't know what the cutoff is for the discount on Safeway's seniors day, but I'm pretty sure it's not 44. I know I don't look like a senior, even after a year of battling cancer treatments, but it still managed to get me down.

I'm off to the doctor today to get my note giving me permission to go back to work. Later this week I have my mammogram. How much is that going to hurt? Definitely taking tylenol first. It's already been a year since my diagnosis. Unbelievable.

Countdown to going back to work (< 4 weeks)

2010-02-05T09:24:00.013-06:00

A busy week... I met some friends for lunch. We're wearing our beaded bracelets made to support our friend's mom when she was diagnosed with breast cancer (and now it shows support for me as well!)

After lunch, I had my followup with the radiation oncologist, who says all looks good. He did say I need to get a compression sleeve to wear if I'm flying, since there is a life long risk of developing lymphedema in my right arm, where all the lymph nodes were removed.

I went for lunch with my support group. We meet weekly, either coffee or lunch, or sometimes at someone's house. This will be hard to fit in once I'm back to work, but will definitely be a priority.

I went for a walk with Nancy, who is my running partner and is training for a half marathon here this month (in the snow). We ran it together a few years ago. I miss running, but I'm just not ready yet. I've tried a couple of times, but am sticking to walking for now.

I talked to Jan, my friend in Vancouver who calls every week or two to see how I'm doing. In addition to her regular job, she has a dog walking business, so she is usually walking through some forest or along a beach when she calls. She always asks me to come out to visit, hopefully I'll get out there in the summer with the kids (we missed our planned BC trip last year which was to include biking down the mountains at Whistler - them, not me).

I watched a webinar on 'Healthy Lifestyle Choices for Breast Cancer Survivors'. The main message is to eat low fat, maintain a healthy body weight, and exercise. Unfortunately, all the studies were on postmenopausal women. There were also discussions on alcohol, soy, and flax, which can affect estrogen sensitive cancers (mine is not). Vitamin D was the last thing discussed, the recommended range to take is 200 to 1000 IU. It's disappointing not to hear that there is something significant I can do to reduce the chance of recurrence. The one change I have made is drinking green tea everyday. Green tea is shown to lower the risk of cancer in general, not necessarily the recurrence of breast cancer. It is a healthy drink since it's a rich source of antioxidants.

I'm thankful again for what a strong support group I have - so many people that check in on me or I just know are there when I need them.

5 months post-chemo

2010-02-02T11:03:00.004-06:00

And almost 3 months post radiation (followup with radiation oncologist tomorrow). I'm definitely feeling stronger and thinking more clearly. My new exercises from the physiotherapist have really helped my right arm. My fingers are no longer going to sleep so much.

I'm planning for starting back to work March 1st. I think I will feel much more normal once I'm back at work.

And the 5 month hair update...

Chemo Brain (Brain Fog)

2010-01-28T08:59:00.004-06:00

I attended a seminar on chemo brain, which the speaker (Dr. Heather Palmer) prefers to call brain fog, since they're not sure if its caused by the chemo, or the cancer, or the drugs you take for the side effects of chemo, or what. Based on different studies she showed us, she estimates it to affect over 50% of cancer patients who undergo chemotherapy, and can last up to 5 years, but does tend to get better over time.

The tips here are for anyone, since 'brain fog' can be caused by other life events as well (including aging).

It was interesting that they say fatigue (which is very common among people finished treatment) can be partly caused by the brain working so hard on normal daily tasks.

The symptoms include:
- memory problems
- verbal/written skills - not using the right words
- attention & concentration (could be fatigue causing this)
- problems with executive functions are very typical for cancer patients - this includes the higher thinking skills incluing planning, mental calculations, organizing, multi-tasking. Oh oh!
- motor function & co-ordination (could be the numb feet or fingers causing some of this)
- spatial skills - missing the table when putting a cup down, and bumping into things. Interesting for me, because I've noticed a slight problem with depth perception when walking down stairs.

Most of her talk focused on a program she uses, called Maximum Capacity Approach .

Here are the tips I picked up:
First, document your mistakes (and why, what time, what could have prevented it). Review your list and look for patterns. Do you just forget everything your husband says? Are you bumping into things more in the evenings?

When you hear a name or something you want to remember, do something that pushes it deeper into memory (make a rhyme or put it into a sentence)

Keep lists, use daily planners.

Use your existing routines & habits - for example, always put your keys in the same place; if you need to remember to take medicine in the morning and you're a coffee drinker, put the meds in your coffee cup.

Use external self talk - "I'm going downstairs to get..."

Try to remain in a 'present minded' state vs absent-minded. Always know what you're doing and why, don't let yourself get easily distracted. The tips for this were to stop and take a second when you finish something before you start something else - example was you were sitting doing something, the phone rings, and when you finish the call, don't just wander off and do something else, stop and think (and hopefully remember you had been sitting doing something when the phone rang). Also, make sure you are staying on task - example was you went to check your e-mail and now you find you are on the internet reading about polar bears.

Minimize unnecessary multi-tasking.

Slow down a notch.

Stay mentally & physically active.

It was an interesting evening, always good to be around people with similar things going on. Personally, I've experienced most of the above symptoms, but I've felt much 'clearer' over the last couple of weeks - the fog is beginning to lift.

Keeping Busy

2010-01-27T09:28:00.004-06:00

The joys of insurance companies - we had stayed at the lake between Christmas and New Year's, and when we got back, I had a message from the insurance company to call them. I called back and left a message, and we played phone tag for a week. When I finally reached her, she said they required a doctor's note or they would cut off my disability. Kind of a rude way to put it, but I said fine, I had one, and would get my husband to fax it the next day. Well three days later I get a letter in the mail saying they had cut it off, and I would need to launch an appeal to get it reinstated. When I phoned back, she said she had sent the letter before we talked, since she hadn't heard from me. Really? I had left her messages for a week trying to get in touch with her. Anyway, she said it would take a couple of weeks to review the fax I had sent in (it was 2 sentences from my doctor saying he recommended me staying off until at least March when he sees me again).

Then this week, I called our HR department to tell them I'm ready to come back March 1st. They told me I would need a note from the doctor saying I was 'released' to go back to work. Really? They couldn't just take my word for it? The doctor also has to provide my 'gradual back to work' plan. Since I'm quite sure my doctor will ask me what kind of back to work plan I think would work for me, I asked the HR person what a typical back to work plan is like, so I'm prepared. She recommended gradually increasing from a 4 hour work day 3x/week up to full time, over 4 to 6 weeks.

Luckily (?) I still have lots of doctors appointments, so easy enough to get the proper notes from them.

I started physio on my arm again last week, because of the aches I get down my arm and the numbness that comes intermittently in a couple of my fingers. It's my 'mouse' arm, and my job is on a computer most of the day.

I had my hearing checked, and I have a bit of hearing loss in my left ear, but very minor. The ear specialist asked me if the chemo I was on can affect hearing, and I said I didn't know, I thought he was supposed to know that.

Today is lunch with my support group celebrating one of them getting her port out. Finally. She finished chemo 2 weeks before me.

Moving Forward after Breast Cancer

2010-01-19T09:05:00.001-06:00

I attended a really good session last week put on by the local Breast Cancer Centre of Hope, led by a nurse and a psychologist. One of the best things is just being with other people at the same stage as you - finished treatment, still feeling the side effects, wondering about getting back to a 'normal' life.

I'll summarize it here, from my point of view (I'm not mentioning tamoxifen or other things that don't apply to me):

They put together the program a couple of years ago based on a need - women wondering what happens now that treatment is done, their support network backs away, and yet they are not recovering as quickly as they expected to. They offer it monthly here in Winnipeg, I'm sure other places offer something similar, or if you want to start something, I can give you the contact information for the two ladies that run the program here.

1. Physical Effects left behind include fatigue, sleep issues, chemo brain, treatment-induced menopause, numbness/pain from surgery, neuropathy from taxotere, aches and pains (glucosamine was recommended, I may have to try that). They encouraged us to talk to our doctors about sleep aides and/or anti-anxiety meds if needed for 6 months to a year.

2. Psychological/Emotional Needs - this was an interesting topic. In addition to talking about sadness, depression, anxiety, it covered a few things I hadn't given much thought to. Some people believe that there has to be a big lesson in this experience (what did you learn from it, what was the good in it). The two ladies leading the session have a firm belief that there does not have to be a big lesson here, that it did not a happen for a 'reason'. Many of my on-line buddies will agree that we have a hard time listening to people who are 'thankful' for the experience of breast cancer, or how it has changed their lives. My personal thought on it is that it was awful, I don't wish it on anyone, but I do recognize the 'silver lining' - the strong new friendships I have, the time I was able to spend with my kids.

3. Living with Hope and Uncertainty - this was a discussion on learning to trust your body again, and accepting the fear of recurrence. How to stay sane during times of increased anxiety (tests, doctor visits, etc). Things to watch for, and that you should see a doctor at least every 6 months for the next 5 years (whether its your oncologist, surgeon, family doctor, etc). Right now my oncologist still has me on a 3-month follow up. It was pointed out that there is no testing done to see if the cancer is returning (other than an annual mammogram). It's really up to us to know our own bodies.

4. Getting Back to Work - make sure you are ready - it requires both physical and emotional energy. Typically you need a minimum of 4-6 months after treatment is over, and sometimes up to a year. They strongly recommend a gradual return to work to make sure you can manage it. I am aiming to go back in March, which will be 4 months since treatment ended. I've really felt more energy as well as an ability to think more clearly in the last 2 weeks, which is why I can now think about going back to work without feeling completely overwhelmed.

I hope others have a session like this available. Ask for it. Here is a link to a site about 'Life After Treatment':
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/life-after-treatment/allpages

The Eyes are Good...

2010-01-14T10:28:00.004-06:00

I had my eyes checked today because they seem worse since chemo (all those days of watery eyes). Only a very slight change from a year ago, so no glasses yet. Probably in the next year or two I'll be right into bi-focals (since both my near and far sightedness is a bit off).

I am still having a bit of a problem with depth perception, but he suggested that is likely from fatigue, which makes sense to me.

Next week is my hearing test, as well as physio for my arm.

Summary of the chemo...

2010-01-07T20:50:00.004-06:00

This is a summary of the chemo treatment I survived. I have never experienced anything like this. Radiation, and even surgery, was a breeze in comparison:

6 treatments, one every 21 days:

for each treatment, Brad and I were there 2.5 to 4 hours (always had the bloodwork and meeting with the doctor a day or 2 before treatment)
#2 was delayed due to low white blood counts. I also had 1 or 2 day delays due to holidays or scheduling. Overall it took 4 months, May 7 to August 29th (not including recovery from the last one).
it took 2-3 hours for each treatment (administered through an IV into my port-a-cath).

The first 3 treatments were a mixture of 3 drugs (Fluorouracil (5FU), Epirubicin (Red Devil), Cyclophosphamide) and the next 3 treatments were Docetaxol (taxotere). FEC-D. Seems to be the current standard chemo for breast cancer patients in Canada.

The first 3 treatments kicked in within a couple of hours - nauseau and fatigue. The second 3 treatments kicked in after 2-3 days - bone pain.

Because my white blood counts didn't come back up quickly enough, I was given neupogen. 5 self-administered shots after each chemo. Not fun.

My red blood counts dropped during the taxotere and I became anemic. That was monitored, but eventually came up on its own. No blood transfusion required.

The worst side effects for me included nausea (never actually threw up), self-administered neupogen shots due to low white counts, bone pain, sleeplessness (lots of laying awake at night), sense of smell - I could barely inhale, everything offended me (in hindsight I realize it must have been the chemo coming out of my pores). Also the change in tastes - I missed coffee, red wine, and some regular things like caesar salad that just didn't taste right. I didn't feel like myself, I always felt sick, and low energy. Chemo also made me more sensitive to pain - my port and my scar from surgery would ache more. Also, no surprise, I was getting a lot of anxiety the couple of days before chemo (ativan/lorazepam helped with that).There were times I really didn't think I could go through with the next treatment.

The side effects that weren't too bad included the watery eyes and the hair loss. Earrings are a must, to go with the scarves. As we got into winter, it was great to have a hat with a matching scarf - made me feel less conspicuous.

The side effects I dreaded but haven't had, included nerve pain in the feet, infections/hospitalization due to low blood counts, weight gain, worse nausea, extreme fatigue.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
The things that got me through it all - #1 is the support from my family and friends. My breast cancer support group (6 of us close in age and treatment phase - we can talk about anything, we understand each other), the blogging community, my doctors and nurses, the ability to sleep a lot, earrings, and my eyebrow pencil. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

(with and without eyebrows):

The port-a-cath was definitely better than having veins poked each time, but I think I might have been better off with the PICC (catheter in the upper arm). Hard to say, disadvantages to each I guess. PICC would have come out the last day of chemo, the port came out about 2 months after.

I miss running and having a regular exercise routine, but walking has been good, and I can look forward to running again soon enough.

Six weeks post-chemo I noticed some new side effects - numb toes. It's like they are asleep. no pain, just tingly like they are waking up (but they don't). Otherwise, my strength is coming back, I can walk at a pretty good pace, but those muscle aches are still faintly there (down arms and legs).

Two months post-chemo. My muscle aches (all down my legs and arms) are pretty much gone. I can put my hand on my thigh and not feel pain. The aches peaked at about 4-5 weeks after the last chemo. I just kept walking (but not too much) and drinking lots of fluids.

Four months post-chemo. Muscle aches are all gone. Just the tingly toes left (and the sore arm from surgery). Enough hair to not cover my head around friends. During radiation, I was out every day to get treatment, so I was walking and drinking my water. After that, I sort of faded. The weather got really cold, and I didn't have to go out, so my walking slowed down. My energy went down as well. Last week I focused on walking and drinking water (and green tea) and I am already feeling stronger.

My biggest wish is that something is found that PREVENTS cancer, and no one ever has to go through these treatments.

I survived.

XOXOXOXO

Beth

Hair - 4 months post chemo

2010-01-04T14:57:00.003-06:00

Happy New Year to everyone! I am now 4 months post-chemo, 2 months post-radiation. Gradually regaining my energy, feeling pretty good overall. Toes still tingly, right arm tires easily and the fingers go numb. Quite sore under my arm. Minor complaints compared with what I've been through.

My hair is coming in, my eyelashes are good, my eyebrows are still a bit patchy but that's what eyebrow pencils are for!

CT Scan is good

2009-12-17T10:19:00.005-06:00

My CT scan is good, apparently my brain is 'normal' - who would have thought. A little scary when they can schedule it that quickly (2 days) but great to have the good news before Christmas. Good to know all those missing words, forgetting things and ringing ears that many of us experience are quite normal after all.

I have signed up for an information session in January called 'Clearing the Fog About Chemo Brain' as well as one called 'Moving Forward After Breast Cancer' that covers many topics including remaining side effects, getting back to work, living with hope/uncertainty/fear, emotional issues, etc.

I wish you all a very happy, healthy holiday season!!

First follow-up

2009-12-15T08:46:00.011-06:00

I met with my oncologist yesterday. It's been 3 months since chemo ended, and 1 month since radiation ended. I had blood work done prior to my appointment.

We discussed my remaining symptoms:

blood work is good, liver enzymes are still a bit high so they will check them again in 3 months.

tingly toes are an unfortunate side effect, they may still get better or may just stay like this.

achey joints are another side effect that should get better in time.

tiredness / fatigue is normal and will gradually get better. Keep walking.

forgetting things is normal enough, but the feeling of ringing in my ears and light headedness isn't, so they have ordered a head CT.

We talked about when it makes sense to go back to work, and it was suggested a year from my original surgery (March). The thing is, when I first had surgery, the surgeon said I would be off work for a year, and I thought that was completely crazy. I didn't realize the treatment would take so long and take so much out of me.

We talked about future follow-ups, which will be every 3 months for the first couple of years. Bloodwork will be done each time, and an annual mammogram (February already!) I will also continue follow-ups with the surgeon and the radiation oncologist.

So that was it, everything was good, but then I asked a couple more questions. I mentioned that a friend had her similar follow-up and was told she is in remission. The doctor agreed and said I was too. Remission. Not cancer-free. Breast cancer isn't curable. I knew that, but it still sounds weird. Remission means there is no active cancer.

Second question was about my blood - since my counts are back to normal, when can I give blood. Again a surprise answer. Never. There is always a chance there are cancer cells floating around in my blood, which could transfer to another person through a blood transfusion, and actually grow into a cancer in the other person.

Hair update

2009-12-01T11:11:00.004-06:00

It's been 3 months since my last chemo. I thought I would have had more hair by now, but that's okay, I can be patient, it's coming. I'm very excited to have my eyelashes back!

When am I going back to work?

2009-11-25T13:22:00.000-06:00

That seems to be the question now that I'm done treatment. Actually, I think I am the only one asking (that's me with my high expectations I put on myself). Answer - no idea. I know I'm not ready yet. When I meet with my oncologist in mid-December I think we'll set some goals so I'll know when I am ready. They did say at the very beginning that it would likely be a year off of work, I am finally starting to realize it may take that long (or longer).

Not complaining, but just listing the things that still 'bug' me:

all 10 toes are numb (pins and needles feeling)
fingertips sometimes get that lack of feeling too (especially right baby finger)
right arm gets achey and tires easily
right underarm still sore from radiation burn
still a little sore where port was removed
fingernails have those ridges and can get brittle (but not nearly as bad as other fingernails I've seen)
tire easily (the couch is my friend)
vision and hearing are not what they were - need to get these checked out

Chemo Brain issues:

when speaking, can't think of the right word, or I say the completely wrong one (kids laugh a lot)
when writing, misspell easy words or write the wrong word (shopping lists are interesting to decipher)
when asked to do something, I turn around and completely forget (not only what I was supposed to do, but that I was supposed to do anything at all). Example - Brad and Zach carrying something heavy from truck to garage - I was to go inside and open the garage. La la la, I went inside and had no idea why Zach came in and asked me if I forgot to do something. No idea.
no ability to mulit-task (those who know me, know I used to be a very organized person who can accomplish amazing feats in a day).
can spend an entire day accomplishing nothing: Open mail, go to get a pen, open drawer and see address book, think of someone I needed to call, look for phone, see magazine, remember recipe I was going to copy out, look for pen, notice kids room a mess, pick up laundry to take downstairs, see boxes of christmas decorations in basement and remember I need to sort through that, wander aimlessly back upstairs, get a drink of water, notice fridge is pretty empty, need to start a grocery list, look for pen, see open mail pile, feel overwhelmed, take a nap.

Feeling good - 2 weeks post-radiation

2009-11-17T13:12:00.005-06:00

Two weeks since the last radiation treatment. I am feeling good - I had a great getaway with a couple of my girlfriends. Relaxing, drinking wine, and shopping. What more could I ask for? My radiation burn (under my arm) is starting to heal. That was the only area that was painful, and its definitely getting better now. My toes are still numb, which is just annoying, not painful.

Weather has been great, still no snow.

1 week post radiation

2009-11-09T19:51:00.004-06:00

(well almost). I'm still tiring easily, but otherwise feeling really good. They did say that radiation continues working for 2 weeks after the last treatment. The spot they targeted during the 'boosts' has definitely become more tender and is looking dark red and burnt. But no broken skin. I don't think I'll ever really complain about anything again - nothing is as bad as chemo, and that is over. (my friends that are still enduring chemo remind me every day how lucky I am to be done).

I was at the dentist last week - they put the big lead apron over me while they took an x-ray. After all the chemo and radiation my body has been through, it seemed rather funny to protect me from one little x-ray...

Two more sleeps until my girls getaway...

Done Treatment!

2009-11-04T10:31:00.005-06:00

That's it, I'm done! Yesterday was radiation #20, which was the last one. I am triple negative, so no herceptin or tamoxifen for me. I'm told my prognosis is 'excellent'. Next follow-up with my oncologist is mid-December, until then, nothing!

7 days until my girls' getaway ... other than that, its a focus on getting my strength back. When I see the onc in December we'll discuss when I'll be going back to work.

Brad and the boys celebrated the end of treatment with me at Dairy Queen.

Port is gone...

2009-11-02T07:58:00.006-06:00

I'm glad it's gone. I'm bruised and sore, but healing fast. The procedure to take it out was only about 10 minutes. It's in a real operating room. They had me lay down on the operating table, he froze the area with a needle. Then swabbed it with COLD antiseptic. Then they lay sterile towels around it and had me turn my head away. So I didn't see anything, but I could feel when he reopened the old incision, and then there was a lot of tugging and pulling to get it out (thus the bruising). I guess a lot of scar tissue develops over the 6 months it was in there. Well, having the port sure saved my veins from a lot of poking and worse. Anyway, I was out of there quickly. My sister was in the waiting room, and my dad picked us up. I felt like fainting on the way home (delayed reaction to all the tugging), but I didn't. Bandage stayed on for 48 hours. And that's it. One more thing to put behind me...

Halloween night was fun. Another couple came over, we ordered chinese, and we had a fire in the front yard and handed out halloween candy there. Some neighbors came by for a drink, and some other parents came by as well. Then Carter and the 8 kids he was trick-or-treating with finally ended at our place (bringing our 'kid count' from 20 up to 29).

...okay, those of you who know Brad, know our fire was a little bigger than this...

Radiation side effects

2009-10-30T07:51:00.003-05:00

I'll do another post like this in a couple of weeks because the radiation oncologist says the side effects peak 2 weeks after treatment is completed (since the radiation keeps working for 2 weeks).

For now though, I'm doing really well. My skin is pink, and where the scar is, is very tender to touch, but no broken skin or blisters. I'm definitely tired, but that's still leftover chemo too. So really not bad, this treatment has gone by very quickly.

From the chemo, most of my muscle aches are gone, although my right arm is very achey (which is also where I'm being radiated so who knows...). The only other thing is my toes are numb (the pins and needles feeling). All 10 toes, all the time. That's common too from the taxotere, but gets quite annoying. But I've heard some people end up with bad nerve pain in their feet, so I'm not complaining (much) about numbness...

Have a good weekend and a fun Halloween everyone!
Beth

Radiation 'boost'

2009-10-29T15:39:00.002-05:00

I finished my 16 'regular' radiation treatments yesterday. Today was my first of 4 'boost' treatments. The 'boost' dose of radiation is given directly to where the tumor originally was, and is supposed to further reduce the chance of re-occurrence. It's similar to the other radiation treatments - they place you in the exact position using your tattoo markings. Usually there are 2 or 3 radiation techs - good job for a perfectionist! Then they leave the room and the machine does its work. You don't feel anything at all, but you can hear the machine.

The best part was when they gave me my schedule for next week, there's a happy face after Tuesday's treatment, since that is the last one!!

Some Stats on Breast Cancer (in Canada)

2009-10-22T16:39:00.000-05:00

Source: Canadian Cancer Society /National Cancer Institute of Canada. Canadian Cancer Statistics 2009, Toronto, Canada, 2009

Breast cancer is the most common cancer among Canadian women.

In 2009, an estimated 22,700 women in Canada will be diagnosed with breast cancer. On average, 437 women will be diagnosed every week.

In 2009, an estimated 5,400 women will die from breast cancer in Canada.

One in nine (11%) Canadian women is expected to develop breast cancer during her lifetime (this means by age 90).

me and my dad - matching hairstyles

2009-10-21T19:50:00.003-05:00

really, my hair has started growing back, you just can't see it in the picture...

Radiation #9

2009-10-19T08:03:00.007-05:00

I am off to radiation #9 today (out of 20). Still doing okay, its going pretty quickly. And I got the call for my appointment to get my port out!! Oct 30th (just in time to be out for my birthday!)

Anyone have anything to say about getting that port-a-cath taken out? It sounds pretty simple - in the doctor's office, local freezing, about a 15-minute procedure. Any after effects?

Have a great week everyone!

p.s. this picture shows where the port is (surgically placed under the skin allowing direct access to a large vein near the heart for chemo).

a funny one

2009-10-16T09:02:00.000-05:00

Zach (my almost 15-year old) got his braces off yesterday. When I picked him up, he was holding a goody bag from the orthodontist filled with popcorn, tootsie rolls, gum, caramels, etc - everything he couldn't have while he had braces. I thought that was hilarious!!

Radiation # 7 - getting sensitive

2009-10-15T11:17:00.002-05:00

My scar area started getting sensitive after #6. I also noticed the whole area was quite achey when I was trying to sleep last night. I mentioned it at treatment this morning (they ask you every day how you are doing). They said its all normal - the scar area typically gets irritated first, just keep applying cream several times a day (I'm using glaxal base). The muscle type aches are because the area swells (gets inflamed) from the radiation. Advil should help.

7/20 done, this is going pretty quickly.

Radiation #5

2009-10-13T11:14:00.002-05:00

So far so good. Completed 4 treatments last week, and today was my first of 4 this week. No side effects so far, and going for treatment is easy and painless. I'm glad it's at a different hospital than where I went for chemo, so I have no anxiety or even real association with cancer walking in.

My hair is slowly starting to come back on the sides. Nothing on top yet, but I hear that is the usual way it comes back. My eyebrows are completely gone, but I'm quite comfortable with my eyebrow pencil. My friend's mom who is 5 months ahead of me in treatment just had her 2nd haircut, and she looks great!

Radiation #1

2009-10-07T08:44:00.007-05:00

Got the call last Friday to start Tuesday morning, so yesterday was the 1st radiation treatment. First thing I learned was that I am not doing 25 treatments, I am doing 20 (16 to the whole breast, and 4 'boosts' which are targeted to where the tumor had been). So that gives me a bit of breathing space to complete this before my 'girls getaway'.

I go every day, except weekends and holidays, so I should finish on Nov 3rd.

First time took about an hour and a half, with meeting the doctor first, then the treatment (which takes longer the first time) and then meeting with someone after to discuss skin care. Future treatments should be much quicker, as the actual radiation part is only two 90 second blasts. I should be in and out in 10 minutes.

The most common side effects are sun burn (varies between people) and fatigue. And there is also a 1/2000 chance of the radiation causing sarcoma, a different type of cancer. Of course, they reminded me that chemo also had a small chance of causing leukemia. Obviously they have determined the risks are worth it.

They recommended using Glaxal Base, a moisturizing cream, on the affected area, 3-4 times/day, starting day 1. Other than that, they just say to let them know what problems occur and they can recommend something specific for that (dry, itchy skin, burns, blisters, open skin, etc.). Sounds fun (not).

Really though, I have no worries going into this. I am planning to drive myself everyday, and then do something while I'm out. Today, I am going for lunch with my dad.

Have a great day everyone!
Beth

Waiting for radiation

2009-10-01T22:05:00.005-05:00

First, thanks for the advice and reassurance on the muscle aches. Still have them, guess I just have to wait it out, must be the chemo still working its way out.

I'm still enjoying my walks, even as the weather gets colder. No complaints about the weather here, compared to the Philipinnes, Indonesia, etc. They are having crazy, dangerous weather over there.

I went for bloodwork on Tuesday, and its coming along. My white blood counts are back in the normal range, and my hemoglobin has come up quite a bit. It's at 115 (120 is the bottom of the normal range, so I'm getting closer). Good enough for them to put my name on the list for my port removal.

I was told radiation was tentatively starting Monday, then Wednesday, then Thursday, but no confirmations. Today I got a call saying my 'plan' is ready and I should get a call later today with my start date/time. No call.

So, I am heading to the lake early tomorrow and hopefully I'll get a message that radiation will start Monday. Normally I wouldn't be so rushed to get started, but I'm on a timeline. We have a little 'girls getaway' planned starting Nov 11th, and now I'm worried my 25 treatments are going to get very close to that date.

Have a good weekend everyone!
Beth

Question - Muscle Pain (4 weeks after chemo)

2009-09-27T14:03:00.003-05:00

I have had muscle pain in my legs and arms this past week, seems to be getting worse everyday. I am trying to figure out if this is a side effect from chemo or what is going on. I am fine otherwise, and not really tired or anything. I'm still walking, even did a bike ride. I'm sure I'm not overdoing it. The muscle aches are when I am standing or laying down.

And here I thought this would be when I would be feeling the best - 4 weeks after chemo and not yet started radiation!!

I am going for bloodwork on Tuesday so I will talk to my nurse about it as well. The bloodwork is to see if my counts are high enough to put me on the list to get my port removed.

Still no word on when radiation starts, although I've heard I may only get 1 day notice.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Art Therapy

2009-09-21T14:15:00.002-05:00

I joined an art therapy class, along with seven other cancer survivors. Our instructor is a trained art therapist, and stressed that this is not an art class, but a way of using art as therapy. I enjoy art, and was actually kind of hoping it was an art class.

Our first session's assignment (a week ago) was to use colors and shapes to show 'strength'. We had colored construction paper, scissors, and glue, and an hour to be as creative as we could. I was happy with my result, which was a very calm outdoor scene (a big tree, and the lake with the sun setting). I get my strength from the outdoors - trees, flowers, the lake.

Our second session's assignment (this morning) was harder to get started. We used pastels (both chalk and oil) and started by closing our eyes and 'scribbling' until she said stop. We then had to examine our scribble and see something in it, and then continue working on the picture. She encouraged layering the colors, blending, smoothing (using paper towel), etc. It was fun, even though I think my result looks like something a young child would produce. I saw two butterflies in my scribble, and so I added more butterflies, dragonflies, and some flowers. I used very vibrant colors. The second part is to talk about what we see in our pictures, what we felt as we were working on it. To me, the butterflies are flying away, signifying that I want to fly away, or escape. That suits me well right now as I am absolutely sick of everything cancer. I'm worried about starting radiation (still tentatively next week), which means being at CancerCare 5 days a week for 5 weeks, surrounded by cancer.

That's why I haven't posted in a week, just really avoiding it all, taking a break. But I've been walking and do feel like I'm getting some strength back. I notice my arms and legs feel very heavy, and I do get very tired, but at least it means I'm sleeping better at night.

Post-chemo update

2009-09-14T20:37:00.005-05:00

I had an appointment with my oncologist this morning, to see where my blood counts are (two weeks since my last and final chemo). My white blood count is low (no surprise since I didn't do the neupogen shots with my last chemo). My red blood counts are still low (anemic), although a little higher than last time which is great news. He had done extra tests to see if my iron or B12 or something else was a problem, but nothing showed up. He feels it is all just caused by the chemo and will come up on its own.

I really ran low on energy on the weekend, to the point that my legs felt really heavy and hard to move. I'm just waiting for the energy to come back now so I can start a more regular walking routine.

Looks like radiation will start on Sept 28th, but no confirmation yet. I'm also waiting for the appointment to get my port removed.

Coffee tastes good again...

Radiation Markings

2009-09-08T12:57:00.006-05:00

Feeling good, spent the long weekend at the lake. Am enjoying coffee again!

I went for my radiation markings this morning. It didn't even take 30 minutes. I changed into the ever-fashionable hospital gown, laid down on a hard surface, and the two technicians marked me and moved me in and out of the CT scanner a few times. Then they tattooed the 4 markings (permanent, but tiny dots) that will help the radiation technicians line me up properly for my treatments.

They said 25 treatments, tentatively starting in 3 weeks, but that I will get a call to come in and meet with the doctor first. So I don't know too much else.

Getting there slowly

2009-09-03T11:24:00.003-05:00

I got out of the house twice yesterday - once to go to my support group (a friend drove me), and then out for coffee with some friends last night. It was so nice to get out (we are finally getting our very late summer weather). I'm still very tired, very low energy, but that's really my only complaint. I know when I start gaining my energy back, there is no more chemo to knock it down again - this time it will be for real.

I got a call about radiation therapy and have an appointment on Tuesday to get my markings. Guess I will find out more then.

Have a good long weekend everyone!

I can't wait to feel good...

2009-08-31T12:49:00.003-05:00

Day 4 of chemo - back is very achey and weak feeling, but I'm still going for 1 or 2 slow walks around the block each day. It's hard to sit up, so most of the day is laying down or snoozing. No appetite, but that is way better than nausea... I just make sure I eat something to keep my strength up. My spirits are good (thanks for all the support!!)

I just want my energy back now... very soon...

Chemo # 6 - last one done

2009-08-28T16:20:00.001-05:00

First the happy dance:

and some more happiness:

and no neupogen shots required!

Chemo is behind me now - just need to recover so I can really celebrate in a week or two. I actually made it through them all (there was a while there I really wanted to quit - after # 3 and # 4 especially). Brad came with me to each treatment, and got me through the bad days (except when he was at the lake working on the cabin, then my sister and mother-in-law and boys got me through). And all my friends are so good with walks, baking, phone calls, etc.

With my low hemoglobin, they say to keep walking, but just to listen to my body and go slow. I really only notice the racing heart when I walk up the stairs. They'll put in my referral to radiation, but they may want to wait 6 weeks to start instead of 4. Similar with the port removal - they won't do it while my counts are low (and the wait right now is over a month anyway).

So I will just lay low (and call all of my friends who want to go for walks).

Chemo is a 'go' for Friday

2009-08-26T16:32:00.004-05:00

Met with the oncologist today. My hemoglobin has dropped lower (to 88; normal is 120 to 160), but we are going ahead with the chemo. As much as I'm dreading it, I really didn't want to delay it. I will be glad to get it behind me. Once I recover from this one, chemo is done, done, done!

And what I've learned: Hemoglobin is the protein molecule in red blood cells that carries oxygen from the lungs to the body's tissues and returns carbon dioxide from the tissues to the lungs. A low hemoglobin is referred to as anemia. I am anemic.

My symptoms are that I'm tired and my heart starts pounding at the smallest amount of activity. It's nothing too terrible, just means I'm on the couch a lot more. They've warned me to get up slowly because I may get dizzy, but that hasn't happened yet. Since the anemia is caused by the chemo, there is nothing I can do (other than to ensure I am eating normally, including protein). They will schedule me back for more bloodwork in 3-4 weeks to check it again.

I think if it causes problems, they can do a blood transfusion. He also mentioned shots that can get your body to generate more hemoglobin, but I really don't want to go there!

It was left undecided whether or not I should be doing the neupogen shots following this chemo (to get my white count back up quicker). I was hoping it was a 'no', but I will find out Friday morning.

That's it for an update - one more day to enjoy before chemo...

Last chemo is in 6 days...

2009-08-22T12:23:00.005-05:00

I'm still feeling good, except I'm tired, very tired. And always have a faint headache. I'm pretty sure it's my low hemoglobin - I go for bloodwork Tuesday so we'll see what they say. The rash on my face faded away and I am sleeping fine now. So really no complaints.

I made it to my support group last week - it is so good to see other normal people going through this (well sad, but if we're all going through it at least we've found each other). Anyone walking into the room would probably think we were a book club, not a cancer support group.

I had a busy week - after our Toronto company left, we had some unplanned visitors for a few days - two of my favorite extra kids. Their parents dropped them off while they went to Edmonton to deal with a family situation. It's nice to be able to do that for them, and to know that I have friends that would take my kids in, and my kids would be totally comfortable in their homes.

And, school supply shopping is done!! I must admit, with the boys going into grades 7 & 10, the lists are a lot simpler, and things like backpacks and pencil cases can be salvaged from last year. Of course, those special oil pastels that I had to search everywhere for last year, and probably paid too much for, came back untouched at the end of grade 6 (and are not needed by either child this year). Sigh...

The earring fairy dropped off another beautiful pair of dangly earrings for me...

A Great Weekend and some new Side Effects

2009-08-16T20:27:00.009-05:00

I felt great this weekend. We had our guests in from Toronto, and had a bunch of friends over to see them. It went really well, the weather even co-operated so we could play games in the backyard and have a fire going until the wee hours.

A couple of people asked if I had got sunburnt since there was a red area on my face. After 3 days of it not fading away, I've decided it must be a rash from the chemo. The other thing is I am still not sleeping at night. I am walking every day, getting my fresh air and exercise, avoiding naps, but it still feels like I'm either up all night or waking up every 10 minutes. I tried the ativan last night and had a wonderful sleep through the night.

The watery eyes continue, along with the sore throat. The eyebrows and eyelashes get thinner each day, and my bald head is very smooth, but no complaints about any of these...

CT Scan results

2009-08-13T09:30:00.000-05:00

That was very quick! They called to tell me everything looks good. The reason they did the CT was because my liver enzymes were acting up (as seen in my blood work) which could mean the cancer had metastasized (spread) to my liver, but chemo can also affect it too. Very good news, its just the chemo (yes, a bit of sarcasm there).

I also talked to her about my low hemoglobin counts. She said again its the chemo doing it, there's nothing I can do to adjust for it. I'm anemic now, and will feel more tired, and light headed or dizzy when I get up. The hemoglobin will pick up on its own about a month after I complete treatment.

Last (ever) neupogen shot this morning.

Chemo #5 - day 7 and a CT scan

2009-08-12T16:10:00.002-05:00

Didn't sleep at all last night (or at least it seemed like I woke up every 10 minutes). Tonight I will take some ativan to help ensure I sleep. Although, a friend has invited me over for a glass of wine in the great outdoors of her backyard - maybe that will do it! Taste buds are still way off so we'll have to see if I can actually drink any wine...

Speaking of taste buds, I had 3 glasses of peach flavored stuff for my CT scan today. Wasn't as hard to drink as I thought it would be, really no big deal. The ladies in CT had planned to inject the contrast dye into my vein but they were willing to call someone from oncology to come and use my port instead. It didn't go real smoothly (I ended up with saline and dye spraying on my neck), but we got it done. The CT was of my whole abdomen area, and I will get the results when I see my oncologist in 2 weeks.

Missed my support group AGAIN today because of the CT scan, but I should be able to make it next week.

Chemo #5 - day 6

2009-08-11T10:07:00.002-05:00

Had a good sleep last night and am feeling pretty good this morning. Pain is down to a 1 or 2 on a scale of 1-10. Did my second neupogen shot this morning, only 2 more of those to go. Really hoping this is it for chemo #5 and tomorrow I will feel my normal self again...

Chemo #5 - day 5

2009-08-10T09:56:00.002-05:00

I miss feeling good... I'm guessing it will be the end of the week before going for a walk feels good. I'm achey, I have that yucky metallic taste in my mouth, and I didn't sleep well at all. It's hard to get comfortable sitting or laying down. I'd call the pain 3 or 4 on a scale of 1-10, annoying, but not bad enough to take the percocet (yet). Gave myself the first of the neupogen shots this morning, which usually adds to the back pain.

I'm trying to be thankful that it's not as bad as last time, and I don't have the nerve pain some people get, but I still hate it and just want it to be done.

Last chemo scheduled for Aug 27th.

Chemo # 5 day 3

2009-08-08T12:18:00.002-05:00

Still doing okay, mostly just sleeping and resting. Lower back is a bit sore, but I'm taking the anti-inflammatories and hoping it won't get worse. Really just waiting for these next few days to pass. Weather is 'stay inside and watch a movie' anyway, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on much.

Have a good day everyone!

Chemo #5

2009-08-06T16:45:00.002-05:00

# 5 is done, only 1 more to go!! It went fairly smoothly, I was home at 12:30 and down for a nap shortly after. Went for a little bike ride around 3:30 for some fresh air.Taking it easy for the rest of the evening. NO NAUSEA. Last time I felt fine for the first 2 days, and then the pain hit, so I am making sure to relax and not overdo anything.

Yesterday's girlie lunch at Pine Ridge Hollow was so nice - cute restaurant, great gift shop, a huge flower garden and a petting zoo with pigs and goats.

Thanks for all the suport and hello to my new followers!
Take care,
Beth

Chemo #5 is on for Thursday

2009-08-04T23:00:00.002-05:00

I had my bloodwork done today and met with the doctor. My hemoglobin is low (from the chemo), but not low enough to stop my next chemo (120 is normal, mine is 95). He also said my liver enzymes were 'acting up', and not to worry, but he wants a CT scan. That will be scheduled in the next week or two.

He also made sure I was ready with a new anti-inflammatory medication, and some ativan to help me sleep at night (as well as the percocet I have from last time). I guess I'm as prepared as I can be.

We had a nice weekend at the lake, visiting with our friends. I have guests in this week, so we'll go for lunch and shopping tomorrow (and I'll miss my new support group). Have to enjoy that last day before chemo!

Support Group

2009-07-29T19:46:00.003-05:00

Today was the first of a new weekly support group for young women with breast cancer. There were 6 of us, ranging in age from 32 to 44. It was great to be face to face with other regular women who are going through the same thing, even if we're all at slightly different stages. I remember how worried I was during the waiting/worrying time before they stage the cancer and determine the treatment post-surgery. That's actually when I had made the call to get into a support group. It made me appreciate that having my treatment plan and knowing what the next few months entail is a good place to be.

It was great to meet someone who has recently completed treatment and looks great (hair and everything!)

I think this support group will be something good for each of us that was there today. I'm already looking forward to our meeting next week.

Doing Well

2009-07-27T21:18:00.004-05:00

Chemo #4 took a solid 10 days to recover from (really only days 4-8 were really bad - Saturday to Wednesday). I'm fine now and hope to enjoy some nice walks this week, and one more weekend at the lake before chemo again next week. I'm confident I can get ahead of the pain next time and keep it under control. And there was no nausea at all (except a bit from the pain meds). Medication for side effects causes more side effects... sigh.

From other people's tips, it sounds like I will recover much quicker by staying on top of the pain (and be ready for our Toronto friends who are coming to visit with their 3 boys!!)

My Support Network

2009-07-23T10:00:00.001-05:00

I am feeling pretty good this morning. I could never have got through this last week without my support group (especially with Nancy away!) I have had lots of phone calls and e-mails, supportive comments on my blog, my sister brought Friday's dinner and played Scrabble with me Friday and Saturday to help pass the time, and brought my dad over for a visit. My boys have been great - when I broke down crying they called Brad to come home and stayed very close to me. Brad got his mom to come over until he got home. Dave brought Wendy's Frostees for all of us. Barb brought me beautiful fresh fruit. Brad's mom made us lasagne for dinner the next day, baked us a carrot cake, and yesterday morning when Zach got up and said 'mom, is there any cinnamon buns for breakfast' - she actually showed up with cinnamon buns 2 minutes later (total coincidence). And she took both boys to their orthodontist appointments this week. Brad's sister comes by with good advice. My nurse Bonnie who called me back 3 times to check on me. Brad has been wonderful, I know it's hard for him when I feel bad and he can't make it go away, but he's always there for me. Knowing so many people care has really helped pull me through this. THANK YOU!!

Like too many others, I can't/won't ask for help. I found this pic on Renee's blog (she finds the most amazing pictures):

Chemo #4 continued

2009-07-22T15:26:00.004-05:00

Today is day 8; I am finally on the upswing. The T3's have me feeling sluggish and a bit dizzy, but I finally got some sleep last night. Brad and I met with the oncologist today and he has put me on something stronger (Percocet - which is acetaminophen and oxycodone) to get me through the rest of this one, and then next time we'll obviously start sooner. Percocet has the same side effects as Tylenol, so I am taking good old Senna-S for that.

I am walking funny (and slowly) because my hips hurt as well as my lower back. Oh and I had to report I had a sore throat (I really didn't want antibiotics because I just have too many different things I'm taking right now). Luckily he said it looks okay and gave me some mouthwash that numbs the area so it won't hurt when I eat.

Last neupogen shot for this round was this morning!

Tomorrow's post will focus on thanking everyone who has helped me get through this one... I couldn't do it without you!!

Chemo #4 (last Wednesday)

2009-07-21T11:45:00.000-05:00

This has turned out to be a very bad one. The first couple of days were okay, but then Friday night my lower back and stomach started to hurt, and the pain got worse all day Saturday, to the point that I couldn't lay down or sit in any way that was comfortable. No sleep Saturday night, which made for a miserable Sunday. I laid on the floor and cried. I was exhausted, at an emotional low, and nothing was helping. I tried Tylenol, Advil, even Robaxacet, nothing put a dent in it.

Monday morning I called the oncology clinic, who suggested stronger pain killers (Tylenol-3's). I took them all day Monday and Monday night (meanwhile the pain was spreading down my legs and into my shoulders). They finally kicked in Tuesday morning. I slept for 3 hours. The nurse called back to check on me, and has assured me she'll work out a plan to get me through this better next time. The neupogen shots make it worse, but at least I only have one more of those to go tomorrow.

We'll see how the rest of the day goes (hopefully a nap and a real sleep tonight)...

Chemo #4 Day 3 (and a cabin update)

2009-07-17T12:09:00.006-05:00

Still feeling good, no nausea, just really really tired (but I can deal with that)

Here's some pics of the progress Brad is making at the cabin - it's closed in, new windows on that side, a roof, even a deck... we should be able to go out and stay there next weekend...

here's what it looked like 2 weeks ago

Chemo #4 Day 1

2009-07-16T11:40:00.005-05:00

So far so good. I've slept most of the last 24 hours, but no feeling of nausea at all. I had a lot of anxiety going into this one since #3 was so bad, and this one was a new one (Taxotere) with all kinds of new side effects and possible allergic reactions. They are very careful at the hospital, starting it very slowly and monitoring you closely. I also wore big gel mitts on my hands to keep my hands cold to help avoid the nail problems that often come with this. That's all for now. I'm going to go eat something and see how I feel...

Chemo #4 is on for Wednesday

2009-07-13T15:51:00.005-05:00

I went for my bloodwork and to meet with the oncologist this morning. Everything looks good for Wednesday. This will be a new drug, Docetaxel (aka Taxotere). It also includes taking a steroid (dexamethasone) ahead of time to help prevent nausea, fluid retention and allergic reactions. Of course that has its own side effects (sigh). And I still have to do the 5 neupogen shots after to keep my white blood counts up.

On the bright side, I went for a very nice walk in King's park while waiting for the bloodwork to be processed, and had a lovely lunch with a friend from work after I was done with the appointments.

Having a good week

2009-07-08T23:01:00.003-05:00

I had a great visit with our friends at the lake on the weekend, and Brad got a lot of work done on the cottage (with the help of some good friends). I am feeling good, have had a couple of bike rides, and plan to go to the Folk Festival this weekend. Dreading chemo next week but just avoiding thinking about it right now.

Have a great week everyone!

Do I Dare... (No Hair)

2009-07-03T09:00:00.001-05:00

First is one my mother-in-law made for me

This is another favorite...

I just bought this beautiful one at the street festival ($10!)

This just shows my new daisy necklace from my sister

Feeling good (8 days post chemo)

2009-07-02T08:48:00.007-05:00

Chemo#3 was a tough one (last of the 3xFEC for me, next is 3xDocetaxol). It took 8 days to feel like myself again. Enjoyed a great Canada Day at Osborne Village street festival with my sister and a friend. Bought a new toe ring, and painted a few polka dots on my (and my sister's) nails to match...

The Lake

2009-07-01T10:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Canada Day (July 1st)!! This day celebrates the anniversary of the July 1, 1867 enactment of the British North America Act of 1867, which united Canada as a single country of 4 provinces (we now have 10 provinces and 3 territories). Back in 1867 is when we started our independence from the United Kingdom. It is celebrated with fireworks, bbq's and street festivals.

With it falling on a Wednesday this year, it's hard to make it into a long weekend, but lots of Winnipeggers head out to 'the lake' for most summer weekends. There are many lakes - huge ones like Lake Winnipeg as well as hundreds of smaller lakes. Brad's mom has a cottage we spend a lot of time at, a 2 1/2 hour drive East from home, into Ontario. (Winnipeg is near the bottom of Manitoba - close to the US border).

Brad wanted to spruce it up a bit to use this summer - he told me he needed 3 weekends to have it ready to go. For those that know my husband and his projects, he's a bit of an optimist (as well as a perfectionist). Here's some pics of the 1st weekend he worked on it (2 weeks ago).

I'll be staying at a friend's place 5km away...

Chemo clouds

2009-06-30T11:29:00.003-05:00

When I went for chemo last Tuesday, the weirdest clouds rolled in. There are big windows in the chemo room, and we were all looking at the clouds. Brad went outside and snapped a few pictures shown here.

Need a laugh?

2009-06-29T12:03:00.003-05:00

For a good chuckle, check out this link on breastcancer.org

A Study on how we all got breast cancer

Did you bite your nails? Are you left handed? Did you eat snow?

I'm feeling much better today - fatigue and nausea are gone, just the aches from the neupogen shots are left (hopefully will be gone in the next day or two).

Sunny Sunday

2009-06-28T13:23:00.003-05:00

Well, it's actually cloudy but I'm feeling much better. And the breeze is beautiful after the non-stop rain from the last 2 days.

Nausea is mostly gone, biggest complaint now is achey back and 'restless legs'. Does anyone else get that? I'm thinking it's probably from the Neupogen, since I had it last time too after the shots. Could also be because I don't get out walking on my bad chemo days. Happy to hear any suggestions people have, since it's annoying and hard to sleep or sit.

Have a good day!

Chemo # 3 - day 5

2009-06-27T11:32:00.004-05:00

My energy has come up quite a bit (I can stand up straight again), but still feeling a bit nauseous. We went out for breakfast and then to the Farmer's Market. Will be a pretty quiet day. Rained and rained last night, was nice to listen to on the roof.

Chemo # 3 - day 4

2009-06-26T09:49:00.005-05:00

Is it Friday already? I have slept most of the time since chemo on Tuesday. I am officially half way (3 down, 3 to go). I am still very weak and tired today, but I've tried to keep eating over the last couple of days so am hoping my energy comes back quickly (today would be nice). I started the neupogen injections today again (for 5 days, same as last time).

"Hate" is a strong word. I hate chemo.

Sad about Farrah Fawcett, who died yesterday after a 3 year battle with cancer.

Chemo #3 is on for tomorrow

2009-06-22T19:51:00.002-05:00

Blood work was good today, so chemo is on for 10:30 tomorrow morning. I'm kind of down about it, but then at least I'll be halfway done after this one.

Had a busy weekend with company in from Kenora, and Carter in a track meet. The Manitoba Marathon was yesterday morning, almost 14,000 particpants. We were at the start line (bright and early), Carter was running the Super Run (2.6 miles instead of 26.2). I really hope to be running the half marathon again next year. I miss running...

My Dad (a.k.a. Grampa)

2009-06-17T07:30:00.003-05:00

I have to share my dad's response to my last post:

"Hi Beth !! Read your blog today and saw wig pics. The last one with the short hair is a knockout !! If you dont wear it maybe I will. "

We had a picnic at 'our' park bench in Assiniboine Park last week. The bench is a memorial to my mom who passed away 19 months ago - it celebrates my mom and dad's life together. It's inscribed with both of their names and "50+ years of loving walks & memories - Forever in your kids' & grandkids' hearts".

For those of you who know my dad, you will notice there is no walker in the picture - he is walking on his own now after his 2 hip replacement surgeries in the last 11 months. He'll be 80 this year and his health just keeps improving!

It's been a good week

2009-06-15T10:05:00.007-05:00

I walked every day. Our summer weather has finally arrived!!

Here are some pics with the wigs. My sister is modeling the fun ones. She shaved her head a couple of weeks ago to show her support for me and to get an idea of what I am going through. She is very handy with the scarves (she is the queen of accessorizing). One thing I've noticed is that her hair is growing back and mine isn't :(

I will be sticking to scarves and the hats my mother-in-law made for me (pics of those coming soon). Much more comfortable, although the wig made me look so 'normal'!!

2nd chemo - first week behind me

2009-06-10T14:03:00.002-05:00

I've been feeling good since Monday, and I've gone for a nice walk each day. I do have an ache in my lower back and my shoulder, not too bad, but hopefully not a side effect of the neulasta injections.

My husband and kids keep rubbing my head and teasing me because its getting smooth (the bit of stubble left from shaving it is disappearing). My eyebrows are getting thinner too, but still good for now. We have briefly discussed options for drawing the eyebrows in once they're gone (unibrow, a V, or perhaps one raised higher than the other in an ever skeptical look).

Have a good day,
Beth

Feeling good 6 days post-chemo #2

2009-06-08T22:23:00.003-05:00

I went from feeling about 70% yesterday to feeling 100% today. Not all of my energy is back, but enough to go for a walk (in the rain), go shopping, and meet a friend for coffee!

Last time my energy took longer to come back (assuming of course it's back to stay now). This time the queasiness lasted longer (wasn't as bad, but was still there and hung on longer). Hopefully this means I have 2 good weeks ahead of me before the next chemo. And tomorrow is the last neupogen injection (which must not have been causing the queasiness since I feel okay today).

I am amazed I can give myself the injections. Really amazed at the things we all do because we have to.

Fleetwood Mac

2009-06-07T12:38:00.002-05:00

I had a 4-hour nap in the afternoon yesterday to prepare myself for the big outing - the Fleetwood Mac concert last night. It was really good!! They don't have a new album that they are promoting, so it was all the old hits that everyone knows. They played for almost 2 1/2 hours. You would never know Stevie Nicks is 61, amazing...

I feel a bit better today - no nausea, but no energy either. I picked around my garden for a bit, but the forecast for the week is rain, and never getting over 20C (again). Maybe the good weather will come when the kids are out of school (couple more weeks).

Low white blood counts = Neupogen injections

2009-06-05T11:10:00.002-05:00

Had my lesson at the hospital this morning on how to give myself an injection - once a day for 5 days for each cycle of this chemo. These injections stimulate the bone marrow to create more white blood cells.

Side effects can be aching bones, and sometimes nausea. Here's hoping for no side effects since I'm still pretty weak from last chemo...

Chemo is evil.

Chemo #2

2009-06-04T09:09:00.002-05:00

I'm very tired, but at least the nausea is not as bad as last time. I took Metoclopramide in additon to the Kytril this time (both anti-nausea medications). It makes me feel very restless, but I'm still able to stick to my plan of sleeping away as much as possible of these first few days... Hopefully tomorrow I will start to feel better.

Chemo is on for tomorrow...

2009-06-01T16:51:00.002-05:00

Went in for bloodwork today and my white blood cell counts are back up to normal. Chemo tomorrow morning at 10:30 followed by a few days of rest... (I am caught up on all the laundry, and the fridge is full so Brad and the boys should be good for a few days while I hibernate).

I've re-organized my sunporch - cleared out the junk and put in a recliner and some magazines. Even hung some big straw hats on the wall (thanks Brad!) to brighten it up. My new place to hang out and watch the flowers grow (if our temperature ever gets above 20C). It is June now, isn't it?

Friday's flowers

2009-05-29T15:49:00.004-05:00

My first crocus (yes, it is May 29th, but this is Winnipeg).

Here are two of the pots I planted last weekend, hopefully in a month I can show you how much they've filled in!

Well, no chemo tomorrow...

2009-05-27T08:51:00.007-05:00

I met with the doctor today to review my bloodwork, and to my surprise my white blood cell counts are too low, so no chemo tomorrow. They will re-test my blood on Monday and plan for chemo Tuesday. On the one hand I'm looking forward to feeling good all weekend now, but it does push everything out almost a week...

And no, eating differently or resting or exercising or sleeping - none of that affects the white blood cell count, I just have to wait (and not get sick!)

I did run 5km last night, so maybe I can get another couple of runs in before this next chemo...

Beth.

Tuesday - bloodwork for chemo

2009-05-26T10:46:00.002-05:00

Went to get the bloodwork done for chemo this morning (wearing shorts and sandals, it is starting to feel like summer!) Had a nice lunch with some of the ladies from work yesterday (first public outing with my headscarf). Was okay, didn't feel like anyone even noticed. I'm busy today getting organized so I can do nothing except rest after chemo...

Have a good day everyone!

Sunny Sunday

2009-05-24T18:18:00.002-05:00

Planted all of my flowers today - let's hope we're done with the frost warnings. Went for my first outing (leaving the house alone, with no hair). I was fine, even comfortable. Wore a great head scarf that my mother-in-law sewed for me. 3 days left until chemo.

My hair is gone...

2009-05-23T21:47:00.003-05:00

Well I had 2 grumpy days while my hair was falling out. We went out for dinner last night and I had to wear a hat because I couldn't do anything with what hair I had left. I don't wear hats. So this morning, my friend Kathy (Carter's friend Sam's mom) came over and buzzed off what was left. I immediately felt much better. It does make it harder to be in denial though...

It started falling out exactly 2 weeks after my first chemo.

LGFB - Look Good Feel Better

2009-05-21T08:49:00.004-05:00

I went to the LGFB session at the cancer centre last night. Wow, what an amazing program. It was great to meet some other people at the same stage as me. The volunteers that show how to apply the makeup and how to wear different head coverings were just great!! (Thanks Aly and Sunny!!)

Everyone was there to have a good time - you would never know these are cancer patients going through treatment - everyone was smiling and chatting. Most of us don't wear makeup which made it more fun to play. Did I mention you get a box full of brand name product to take home?

The timing was great for me, as my hair started falling out yesterday. I'll leave that for another post, all I'll say is my head started tingling and the hair comes out when you run your hands through it. No bald spots yet but my friend is on standby with her clippers...

I feel great!

2009-05-19T10:20:00.004-05:00

It started Saturday, this feeling of 100% normal! We went to the lake and stayed with friends until Monday. We had a great visit, spent lots of time outside, and my hair didn't fall out!(somehow, I thought it was going to happen this past weekend). It's been 11 days since my first chemo.

I'm sure it was only 3C with a strong North wind as a couple of us parents watched soccer last night - exciting game but c-o-o-o-o-l-d! And of course afterwards Carter wanted to go for ice cream... It's sunny today and I'm sure its going to warm up!

Now that I feel so good, Brad (my #1 caregiver) must have let his guard down, because he has been hit with the dreaded "man cold ". He was proud to have a temp of 102F to show he really did require sympathy and attention. He's a bit better today, fever's down.

Have a great day,
Beth

First chemo - 1 week behind me

2009-05-14T10:02:00.002-05:00

Other than the low energy, I'm feeling pretty normal again. I ate 3 normal meals yesterday (Brad took me out for lunch, my friend Barb dropped off dinner, my mother-in-law baked blueberry muffins - how lucky am I!) I remind myself every 5 minutes or so not to be frustrated by my lack of energy, just listen to my body and be thankful there's nothing that I NEED to get done. But then I get frustrated again...

Farrah Fawcett's story of living with cancer is on NBC Friday night - will be a tear jerker...

Let's hope for warmer weather for our (Canadian) May long weekend this weekend...
Beth.

First chemo - day 5

2009-05-12T09:02:00.003-05:00

Feeling stronger every day.. yesterday I only needed 2 naps. Went out to watch Carter's soccer game last night and saw him get his first goal! Tonight he has a track meet at the University, and then tomorrow another soccer game. This is Winnipeg, need to cram all the outdoor sports into 2 months.

I went for physio yesterday for my arm again, its been really sore these past few days, but she said its improving, just that she often sees many people are more sensitive to pain during chemo. Interesting.

Have a good day everyone!
Beth

First chemo - day 4

2009-05-10T13:52:00.005-05:00

I'm back. I pretty much slept the rest of Friday and all of Saturday. It's Sunday now (Happy Mother's Day!) and the nauseous feeling seems to be gone, but my energy is zero. I sat out in the sunshine for a while (properly covered), and for the first time I actually feel like I have cancer. I sure hope the energy picks up so I can go back into denial. My brother and sister-in-law just called to see if I'd like anything since they're coming over - I will see if a Tim Horton's iced capp will revive me (caffeine, sugar...). Thanks for all the good wishes, here or in e-mail, much appreciated.
... Beth

First chemo - day 2

2009-05-08T08:18:00.002-05:00

Yesterday wasn't bad, just had the car sick kind of feeling all day and evening. Brad and I went for a short (slow) walk, the fresh air felt good, even though it's more like November than May right now. I actually felt fine all night, except I didn't sleep much, my head was buzzing or something. I felt nauseous again when I got up this morning. Zach suggested I go back to bed since I don't seem to feel sick when I'm laying down. Good advice. Went back to bed. Am up now for lunch and will go lay down again shortly... Beth.

First chemo - day 1

2009-05-07T13:15:00.003-05:00

so far, so good... we're home and having lunch and putting a movie on. A bit of excitement at the start this morning when I told them I was still feeling pressure in my neck, they decided to do another x-ray to make sure the port-a-cath was still positioned correctly, not slipped back into a smaller vein or anything. This was pretty quick though, they confirmed its in place correctly and started the process. We even got to see the x-ray.

I had my own little room with a bed because they like to keep you by yourself the first time so they can take their time explaining everything step by step. They run saline first and give you the anti-nausea pills, wait about 20-30 minutes, and then started the first chemo. The red one. They push it into the IV with 3 big syringes. Then the second one, just one big syringe. Then the third one they use the bag because it goes in over an hour. Meanwhile they served coffee, and even some chicken noodle soup. We were there just over 3 hours, including the x-ray.

As they say, everyone has their own reaction, the most common being tired, achey, and nauseous. Will keep you posted... Beth.

Port Care

2009-05-04T15:35:00.003-05:00

First of all, I have to say the port is not too bad. I do have bruising, as well as some unexpected effects including a sore neck and pressure inside my throat, but have been reassured by the nurse today that these are normal after effects of the surgery. The port care today was quick - she made sure she could draw blood, then flushed it with saline and then a heparin lock (just enough heparin to fill it, to prevent any blood clots). She did give me an emla patch to apply an hour before chemo on Thursday, to numb it. I'm officially as prepared as I can be now... Brad is taking me and staying with me for chemo #1.